(no subject)
Jul. 31st, 2006 01:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meimichiIn which I picspam the Aquaman pilot and mock, mock, mock.
(Though seriously, I think characterization-wise, the whole, "My mommy disappeared in the middle of the ocean kicking a mermaid's ass!" plot just seemed like it had more potential than Clark's...oh wait, Clark doesn't have any of that, he's just a whiny bitch who sits in the barn blaring his Dashboard and crying, "WHY DOESN'T LANA LOVE MEEEEEEEEEE (besides the secreths and the lieths)?" into his pillow.)
I truly wish I had the SV pilot onhand so I could provide comparisons from one to the other. But I do not. Woeee! You shall all just have to cope with lots of shirtless wet Justin Hartley instead. I know, it hurts me just as much as it hurts you.
So it turns out that Fox from Passions has had it with how fucking batshit Harmony is, with, you know, the crazy girls wanting to be pop-stars-turned-tennis-stars (or was it the other way around?), and the zombies electrocuting people in the bath, and the hell dimension in the closet, and the constant need to hack the Vatican website. Or maybe there just weren't enough Martimmys to go around. I guess we'll never know. Anyway, he was like, "I'm out of Harmony with its crazy batshit flying cooked turkeys and Insanity Claus, bitches! I'm off to fuckin' MERCY REEF to swim with the dolphins!" (Maybe if he's (un)lucky this'll be the coast Sheridan washes up on NEXT TIME she goes out on a boat and hits her head falling overboard and gets AMNESIA FOR I THINK THE FIFTH? SIXTH? TWENTIETH?! TIME?!!!)
So anyway, Fox is hanging down at the beach where he finds Chloe. (I can't remember her real name on the show, but she has chemisty with him and seems capable of at least two facial expressions, while the main girl can't go for either one, so. CHLOE.)
And he's like, "Yo, Chloe. I just saved like five dolphins from the evil sea park overlords!"
And Chloe is like, "That's nice, Fox. Except for the part where I don't give a fuck."
And Fox is like, BUT WAIT THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW. IT IZ SO MYSTERIOUS. BECAUSE...THE DOLPHINS TOTALLY TALKED TO ME.
And Chloe is all, "Fox, babe, you have been spending way too much time in batshit Harmony. Of course you can talk to the dolphins. Just like that angel can shoot lightning out of her hands to bitchslap witches around town, or how Teresa and Ethan are going to be EVER SO HAPPY TOGETHAR FOREVAR."
But she keeps him around. Because he's PRETTY. And they're pretty TOGETHER. And really it's good this show didn't get picked up because do I NEED to ship another couple like this on an AlMiles show?
Hi, Angel of Vengeance! Didn't buy you as a masked vigilante stalking the streets of Metropolis. Buying you even less as THE BEST AIR FORCE PILOT IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.
But anyway she flies her plane around the ocean and finds a mysterious speeding object below the surface. AKA, Fox. The chase scene above the ocean wasn't that cappable so just imagine it while staring at pretty wet Justin Hartley, mmkay? And then the Bermuda Triangle opens up and causes her to crash her plane. Or maybe she was just too busy thinking about...VENGEANCE. YOU DON'T KNOW!
And then he rescues her. Because AlMiles think that maybe this time, if they have the random freak accident in the pilot going on between the boy and the GIRL, people will actually ship them or, you know, care. As if. He doesn't even give her mouth to mouth, and I bet she's not going to haul up the battered pieces of her plane and put them in a museum with ten-foot-high photos of Fox. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, ALMILES.
Note to Smallville: See these soothing, pleasing-to-the-eye colors? THAT IS WHAT A HOSPITAL SHOULD LOOK LIKE.
The interior is also acceptable. My hate for the Smallville hospital's purple walls and checkered floors knows no bounds. It's a wonder more people don't just DIE FROM THE UGLY in that hospital, I swear. Couldn't it be pretty considering that approximately ONE-THIRD OF ALL SCREENTIME IN SV IS SPENT IN THAT STUPID BUILDING? (Also, Angel of Vengeance is still so so so so so so bad at the acting thing. She reminds me of KK. And...I wouldn't usually say that about most actresses.)
Hey, Kara. (Or alternately, Jess, but I think we'll go with Kara.) You know, looking at the eyeliner...mmmm, I'm gonna go out on a really big limb here and say, EVOL. I'm just putting it out there. I don't know!
And then Kara is like, hi Fox. Look at my fabulous boobs. They're totally real.
And he's all, "Uh-huh, that's nice, BUT THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE ARE FISHING! IT'S LIKE THE GREAT CARDINAL SIN OF THE OCEAN!!!"
Kara's all, "I think that is so smoking hot that you think that way about fish. Really. I do."
And Kara goes, "Oh, and maybe one day...soon....the fish will have their revenge." So I'm going to say that Kara's totally, absolutely, definitely is NOT evil, a fish, OR an evil fish. RIGHT?
And at this point AlMiles were all, "BUT WAIT!! MAYBE SOMEONE DIDN'T NOTICE THE BLACK EYELINER OF EVOL! GET A CLOSEUP ON THAT SHIT, STAT!!!"
I know this sounds ridiculous but when I saw them in the ocean I just went, "There is no humanly possible way that bikini top can stay on without her supergluing it to her body. And...though I didn't bother with the caps, if you look through the whole scene where they talk in the ocean, THERE ARE NO BIKINI STRAPS VISIBLE ANYWHERE. Which leads us to conclude that no matter where Kara goes in this world, she's always stripping down for total strangers. Not that she's evil and slutty or anything. I mean, maybe it was just the lighting that implied a dark shadow that I mistook for the black eyeliner of evol.
OR SOMETHING.
And then she got stabbed through the chest with a crossbow bolt, but it isn't really important because HI PRETTY JUSTIN HARTLEY'S NECK!
They really are pretty together. Poor Chloe! So anyway HE TELLS HER HIS SEEKRIT about fighting...crazy evol fish women with evol black eyeliner, and tells her to get out of town, and then later on, there's a blackout and stuff and they go to check the circuit box, right?
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.
AND I WAS LIKE, HOLY SHIT. AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF GOING, "WE ARE SO WHEDON, RAH RAH US AND OUR WHEDON-NESS!" ALMILES ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TOTALLY WHEDON. THEY FUCKING KILLED OFF CHLOE IN THE FIRST EPISODE! THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME! IT TOOK THEM FOUR AND A HALF YEARS TO SHOCK ME ON SV AND HERE THEY DO IT THE FIRST EP BY KILLING OFF CHLOE! NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!
(seriously what is she WEARING)
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, all together now: FIGURES. Bite me, AlMiles. I can't believe I was impressed with you for like ten whole minutes. God.
Angel of Vengeance cannot act, but she gets a Bermuda Triangle PLOT, so...wow. The Lana equivalent here has PURPOSE. *golf clap*
And now Fox is saddled with his heavy, heavy destiny. The kind where you get hit on by mermaids with evol black eyeliner and talk to dolphins. Such a tough life.
Bet he's wishing Kara or Angel of Vengeance had swiped a few Dashboard Confessional CDs off Clark for him to borrow in his new superhero-ness!
And we close on Fox thinking, "Damn it, I knew I should have stayed in batshit crazy Harmony. God, I need a Martimmy."
Also watched "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Pieces are all there. Acting is absolutely stellar. Direction is pretty. In fact, the only weak link thus far is in the dialogue. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Did Sorkin just forget, or something? I'll definitely keep watching, though, because Bradley and Matthew together are just wonderful.
(Though seriously, I think characterization-wise, the whole, "My mommy disappeared in the middle of the ocean kicking a mermaid's ass!" plot just seemed like it had more potential than Clark's...oh wait, Clark doesn't have any of that, he's just a whiny bitch who sits in the barn blaring his Dashboard and crying, "WHY DOESN'T LANA LOVE MEEEEEEEEEE (besides the secreths and the lieths)?" into his pillow.)
I truly wish I had the SV pilot onhand so I could provide comparisons from one to the other. But I do not. Woeee! You shall all just have to cope with lots of shirtless wet Justin Hartley instead. I know, it hurts me just as much as it hurts you.
So it turns out that Fox from Passions has had it with how fucking batshit Harmony is, with, you know, the crazy girls wanting to be pop-stars-turned-tennis-stars (or was it the other way around?), and the zombies electrocuting people in the bath, and the hell dimension in the closet, and the constant need to hack the Vatican website. Or maybe there just weren't enough Martimmys to go around. I guess we'll never know. Anyway, he was like, "I'm out of Harmony with its crazy batshit flying cooked turkeys and Insanity Claus, bitches! I'm off to fuckin' MERCY REEF to swim with the dolphins!" (Maybe if he's (un)lucky this'll be the coast Sheridan washes up on NEXT TIME she goes out on a boat and hits her head falling overboard and gets AMNESIA FOR I THINK THE FIFTH? SIXTH? TWENTIETH?! TIME?!!!)
So anyway, Fox is hanging down at the beach where he finds Chloe. (I can't remember her real name on the show, but she has chemisty with him and seems capable of at least two facial expressions, while the main girl can't go for either one, so. CHLOE.)
And he's like, "Yo, Chloe. I just saved like five dolphins from the evil sea park overlords!"
And Chloe is like, "That's nice, Fox. Except for the part where I don't give a fuck."
And Fox is like, BUT WAIT THERE'S SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW. IT IZ SO MYSTERIOUS. BECAUSE...THE DOLPHINS TOTALLY TALKED TO ME.
And Chloe is all, "Fox, babe, you have been spending way too much time in batshit Harmony. Of course you can talk to the dolphins. Just like that angel can shoot lightning out of her hands to bitchslap witches around town, or how Teresa and Ethan are going to be EVER SO HAPPY TOGETHAR FOREVAR."
But she keeps him around. Because he's PRETTY. And they're pretty TOGETHER. And really it's good this show didn't get picked up because do I NEED to ship another couple like this on an AlMiles show?
Hi, Angel of Vengeance! Didn't buy you as a masked vigilante stalking the streets of Metropolis. Buying you even less as THE BEST AIR FORCE PILOT IN THE HISTORY OF EVER.
But anyway she flies her plane around the ocean and finds a mysterious speeding object below the surface. AKA, Fox. The chase scene above the ocean wasn't that cappable so just imagine it while staring at pretty wet Justin Hartley, mmkay? And then the Bermuda Triangle opens up and causes her to crash her plane. Or maybe she was just too busy thinking about...VENGEANCE. YOU DON'T KNOW!
And then he rescues her. Because AlMiles think that maybe this time, if they have the random freak accident in the pilot going on between the boy and the GIRL, people will actually ship them or, you know, care. As if. He doesn't even give her mouth to mouth, and I bet she's not going to haul up the battered pieces of her plane and put them in a museum with ten-foot-high photos of Fox. GET WITH THE PROGRAM, ALMILES.
Note to Smallville: See these soothing, pleasing-to-the-eye colors? THAT IS WHAT A HOSPITAL SHOULD LOOK LIKE.
The interior is also acceptable. My hate for the Smallville hospital's purple walls and checkered floors knows no bounds. It's a wonder more people don't just DIE FROM THE UGLY in that hospital, I swear. Couldn't it be pretty considering that approximately ONE-THIRD OF ALL SCREENTIME IN SV IS SPENT IN THAT STUPID BUILDING? (Also, Angel of Vengeance is still so so so so so so bad at the acting thing. She reminds me of KK. And...I wouldn't usually say that about most actresses.)
Hey, Kara. (Or alternately, Jess, but I think we'll go with Kara.) You know, looking at the eyeliner...mmmm, I'm gonna go out on a really big limb here and say, EVOL. I'm just putting it out there. I don't know!
And then Kara is like, hi Fox. Look at my fabulous boobs. They're totally real.
And he's all, "Uh-huh, that's nice, BUT THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE ARE FISHING! IT'S LIKE THE GREAT CARDINAL SIN OF THE OCEAN!!!"
Kara's all, "I think that is so smoking hot that you think that way about fish. Really. I do."
And Kara goes, "Oh, and maybe one day...soon....the fish will have their revenge." So I'm going to say that Kara's totally, absolutely, definitely is NOT evil, a fish, OR an evil fish. RIGHT?
And at this point AlMiles were all, "BUT WAIT!! MAYBE SOMEONE DIDN'T NOTICE THE BLACK EYELINER OF EVOL! GET A CLOSEUP ON THAT SHIT, STAT!!!"
I know this sounds ridiculous but when I saw them in the ocean I just went, "There is no humanly possible way that bikini top can stay on without her supergluing it to her body. And...though I didn't bother with the caps, if you look through the whole scene where they talk in the ocean, THERE ARE NO BIKINI STRAPS VISIBLE ANYWHERE. Which leads us to conclude that no matter where Kara goes in this world, she's always stripping down for total strangers. Not that she's evil and slutty or anything. I mean, maybe it was just the lighting that implied a dark shadow that I mistook for the black eyeliner of evol.
OR SOMETHING.
And then she got stabbed through the chest with a crossbow bolt, but it isn't really important because HI PRETTY JUSTIN HARTLEY'S NECK!
They really are pretty together. Poor Chloe! So anyway HE TELLS HER HIS SEEKRIT about fighting...crazy evol fish women with evol black eyeliner, and tells her to get out of town, and then later on, there's a blackout and stuff and they go to check the circuit box, right?
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.
AND I WAS LIKE, HOLY SHIT. AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF GOING, "WE ARE SO WHEDON, RAH RAH US AND OUR WHEDON-NESS!" ALMILES ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TOTALLY WHEDON. THEY FUCKING KILLED OFF CHLOE IN THE FIRST EPISODE! THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME! IT TOOK THEM FOUR AND A HALF YEARS TO SHOCK ME ON SV AND HERE THEY DO IT THE FIRST EP BY KILLING OFF CHLOE! NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!
(seriously what is she WEARING)
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, all together now: FIGURES. Bite me, AlMiles. I can't believe I was impressed with you for like ten whole minutes. God.
Angel of Vengeance cannot act, but she gets a Bermuda Triangle PLOT, so...wow. The Lana equivalent here has PURPOSE. *golf clap*
And now Fox is saddled with his heavy, heavy destiny. The kind where you get hit on by mermaids with evol black eyeliner and talk to dolphins. Such a tough life.
Bet he's wishing Kara or Angel of Vengeance had swiped a few Dashboard Confessional CDs off Clark for him to borrow in his new superhero-ness!
And we close on Fox thinking, "Damn it, I knew I should have stayed in batshit crazy Harmony. God, I need a Martimmy."
Also watched "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Pieces are all there. Acting is absolutely stellar. Direction is pretty. In fact, the only weak link thus far is in the dialogue. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Did Sorkin just forget, or something? I'll definitely keep watching, though, because Bradley and Matthew together are just wonderful.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-30 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-31 07:18 am (UTC)However, the cast is really amazing, and it was really unfortunate that it took half the episode to get to Matthew and Bradley, I don't think I would have really noticed any problems with the show if they'd been onscreen the whole time. Their chemistry is amaaaaazing - reminds me of the joy of the Sam/Josh team on TWW. Steven Weber and Amanda Peet are both flawless, too. If the subsequent scripts manage to get off the ground, then this show will be amazing. And if they keep Matthew and Bradley onscreen together as much as possible, it will probably manage regardless. But as it stands now, the pilot definitely lacks oomph.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-31 01:21 pm (UTC)"THE HORRIBLE STATE OF TV TODAY! THERE'S NO AAAAART! WHEN TV CAN BE HIGH AAAAAART!" It seems so conceited for Sorkin to be writing that when the script isn't that great.
Maybe you missed the point! Maybe great art doesn't equal snappy dialogue tv scripts! :3
Was Mathew Perry addicted to Vicodin too (or perhaps you're referring to Bradley)? I know he had a tough run on Friends with his alcoholism, but hadn't heard about other drug abuse. I'm kind of worried for him, actually. :\ Mathew Perry was a brilliant actor (is still?), and watching him kind of... degenerate on Friends hurt. Is he capable of putting up with the pressures of a tv series again?
no subject
Date: 2006-07-31 01:51 pm (UTC)Matthew Perry was addicted to Vicodin, yeah. And Bradley's character has a cocaine addiction, which I think is? was? Sorkin's drug of choice, and the whole situation is very obviously based off that. It really took me out of the moment. :/
I can't say anything other than Matthew Perry was totally fantastic in the pilot. He and Bradley Whitford just seem to be having a blast together onscreen.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-31 04:15 am (UTC)And I was actually surprised when I saw that OC!Chloe was killed and I was like OMG BRAVO! But...well...almost I guess? Almost a surprising and daring plot twist. They were close. I feel like they should get a gold star for trying.
BTW where can I download this pilot as I must see PRETTY Josh. :P
no subject
Date: 2006-07-31 07:36 am (UTC)I knoooow! I was SO impressed. As it is, I think the show had a lot of potential - the whole missing mom plot had me somewhat intrigued, Lana had a purpose, Chloe almost died...and, I think the whole idea of Atlantis and fighting mythological creatures from the ocean from week to week had a lot more staying power than the, "LET'S PUT KRYPTONITE IN THE GATORADE/CAR ENGINE/ETC!!!" extremes that SV has been forced into in the past.
At the same time, it does lack the general showy quality of the SV pilot, and even if A.C. seemed to have potential, it still remains that...Aquaman just isn't as interesting to watch as Clark. OOOOH TALKING TO DOLPHINS AND SWIMMING RLLY RLLY FAST, SO IMPRESSIVE.