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Oct. 17th, 2006 08:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meimichiSo...torrents are working at school again, unbelievably enough. We'll see how long that lasts (plz stay until Torchwood comes out, torrent access!).
And what am I doing with said access? ...oh, like anyone would be surprised. And I'm more confused than anyone as to why I'm choosing to download S4 episodes. You know I still haven't seen about half of S2, ever?
However, that is not what this post is about. This post is about...picspam. But not just picspam. It's much, much deeper than that. Oh yessss.
It's about what is possibly the most...no, I still don't have an adjective for this episode. But I can promise that it's very something. Undeniably, it's the most something episode of Smallville ever produced. An epic tale condensed into forty-three minutes. A dramatic romp about navigating the choppy waters of teenage sexuality, titled, oh-so-appropriately..."Unsafe."
Like other brilliant endeavors from Smallville to revolutionize education (re: "every triangle has three sides"), this masterpiece of network television works tirelessly to teach us, complete with a PSA, that premarital sex is bad, kthx...by way of flaunting Tom Welling shirtless throughout the episode. I know their methods may seem controversial now (or, to the unconverted masses, maybe just deeply stupid) but they're ahead of their time.
No, really. I'll prove it.
Or...maybe this is just about making picspam with Clark/Alicia hotness. I got confused somewhere along the way. This show does that to me sometimes.
This is Clark Kent, the most emo alien to ever emo. This is proved by the way these two slutty chicks (one of whom is doing an even more admirable job of "wearing her breasts outside her clothing while still managing to remain technically decent for primetime broadcast" than Lois in her everyday wear) inviting him to come party with them. In their hot tub. And what is Clark Kent, Superemoboy's response?
He turns them down flat (in favor of his trig homework. like Clark can even do long division), and runs to his mom to cry about how the secreths and the lieths keep him away from ever having a real relationship. Woeeee! And then, he adds, a girl would have to be....CRAYZEEEEE to get into a relationship with him!
Alicia is like, "Hello, anvil. You called?" (I have atiny okay, INSANELY HUGE girlcrush on Alicia, but it's sort of hard not to. But damn, does she look good after a year in the loony bin.) In case you don't remember, Alicia is a girl with teleporting superpowers. She and Clark discovered each others' powers, Alicia seriously informed Clark that her kryptonite-related powers had a "complicated explanation involving quantum physics," and then when asked to elaborate on said complicated explanation, said even more seriously (I quote directly), "The meteor shower...affected my body...and allowed me to teleport myself." Then she and Clark went on a date, after which she teleported into Clark's bed in the middle of the night. They made out. It was hot, which shocked everyone considering that after over two years of the Clana hamster wheel and Clex, that was the first episode that convinced anyone that Clark could even be vaguely heterosexual.
Oh, and then Alicia went crazy and got locked away in the loony bin. Not before trying to kill Lana with the bluntest knife ever made, though; it looked like it was made of cardboard. Good times.
So, Alicia gets released from Belle Reve, and immediately trots over to Clark's place to stand in the shadows of that damn barn, and remark on how it's Saturday night and yet Clark is sitting around, being mopey and emo, and not getting any. In case you have not been paying attention before or since this episode...that theme might show up in Smallville again. Like once. Or twice. Or in every episode.
Clark responds that he likes being alone. Because only his Dashboard CDs understand him. Such is his emo woe. The slutty chicks offering hot tub action and implicit blowjobs just couldn't understand.
Then Alicia is like, but hey, I'm totally not crazy anymore. Really. And if you can get over that minor, "I tried to kill you and your ex!" point, we could begin a beautiful relationship! WITHOUT SECRETHS AND LIETHS!!!
Then Clark gets Chloe to hack Alicia's medical records, and finds out that she is, indeed, no longer crazy. This isn't that important, I just thought the lighting was pretty with this shot of Chloe. It's weird; in S4 I thought this hair was really pretty when it was new and mature, but now I'm sorta meh on it. The bangs in S5 really helped, and her mascara looks so dark. Also, I have no idea what is going on with her in this scene; why did AM choose to play this like Chloe was downright amused by Clark wanting to go out with Alicia?
Meanwhile, in one of the Worst B-Plots Ever, Lana is tracking down her boytoy. Because he totally rejected her, and we all know that guys aren't allowed to pull that shit with Lana, y'all.
And Jason is all, "Lana, you aren't ready for THAT KIND of relationship!" Note the ALLCAPS OF DOOM.
And Lana just stares cluelessly, all, what kind of relationship? What's THAT KIND?
Keep in mind that all season Lana's wardrobe really never left the realm of All Black All The Time. GEE I WONDER IF THEY ARE GOING FOR SOMETHING SYMBOLIC HERE BY PUTTING HER IN WHITE FOR THIS EPISODE. *buries head in hands*
Meanwhile, Clark and Alicia are being insanely cute while ice skating.
And Alicia's hair was really really really pretty and I want to marry whoever lit this episode because the sweeping spotlight is just pure genius.
But really "iceskating" is just another word for "foreplay."
Clark is confused by these feelings. Could it be that he's being...OMG NOT EMO?!!
YES! IT REALLY IS! (It won't last. It never does.)
I totally enjoy these precious moments while they last, though. They only come about once a season, and generally Clark has to be possessed for them to happen.
There's a scene in between here, with Alicia and her creepy!doctor, which isn't particularly noteworthy...except for the fact that he alludes to her previous (all together, now!) PSYCHOTIC BREAK. God, I love my show an impossible amount sometimes. Never more than when someone utters those two words.
Alicia's hot chocolate is cold!
So Clark warms it up via heat vision.
...ALICIA + CUP = OTP.
Also I want Clark and Alicia to get married and then have kids because not only would said kids be gorgeous, but OMG CAN YOU IMAGINE THEIR TEETH?! I'm...totally being serious here, Clark and Alicia both have the best teeth EVER.
More Alicia/Cup action. Oh right. That "plot" thing. Anyway. Alicia is like, "I am now feeling like the emo is catching. So let's run away to California!" And then Clark laughs at her and Alicia's like, "I do not laugh at you and your stupid emo issues, kthx!" and flounces off.
Leaving Clark...alone. And...emo.
Since Clark is not taking Alicia seriously, and both of them seem prone to drowning in their respective oceans of emotude, Alicia decides to take matters into her own hands.
She'll date rape Clark with red kryptonite! That way he'll stop whining, she'll get laid, and everyone wins! This reasoning is pure genius!!
We now interrupt your regularly-scheduled hormone-fueled program with crazy Luthor antics. As if we could get through an SV picspam without a pause for inappropriate John Glover crushing. The short hair still looked damn fine at this point. In slightly less pressing news, Lionel is in the middle of his, "No! I have a souuuuuul now!" storyline, which never did make the tiniest bit of sense. But I still love this family. Why? Because he tells Lex the corporate life no longer interests him.
Lex's response: "So, trying to kill me is going to be a full-time job now?" Hee!
Lionel's reply? "Lex, I know where you're coming from..." A promising start, given that he totally poisoned Lex last year, and warned him in 4x02 that he should basically sleep with one eye open FOREVAR. But then he continues on, in the, "BUT I HAVE A SOUUUUUUUL NOW," vein.
I think my favorite thing is how Lex is generally making the exact same reactionary faces to this ludicrous storyline that I am.
Then Lionel goes on to talk about how he's going to create a charity foundation and hug puppies and totally not ever have conversations with inappropriate sexual overtones with Chloe ever, ever again.
And again, Lex keeps hilariously looking at him throughout the scene in this, "Wait, am I on Candid Camera?" way.
It kills me.
So very, very dead.
Poor Lionel. What's worse, poor John Glover. I know that man just glances at the script and goes, "What the hell, I'll just have fun with it," but this storyline never made the slightest bit of sense. Like so many things in S4, it still doesn't. Sniff.
Meanwhile, back at that damn barn, Alicia again implores Clark to run away with her. In a really nicely-written line, Clark tells her he knows from experience that running away is not the answer. She gets all wibbly and says she wishes she were strong, like Clark is, but she isn't.
And since she isn't, she's forced to fall back on the old date rape standby.
Meanwhile, in Bad B-Plot-Land, Lana, still sporting her Symbolic Virginity Coat, goes to ask Chloe what THAT KIND of relationship means when ALLCAPS are involved.
Chloe looks at Lana in that awed, "You have been dating a college-aged guy for eight months, got him to chase you from Paris to fricking Nowheresville, Kansas, and he's Jensen Fucking Ackles. Yet, you have not jumped him yet?" way. Oh, and she also delivers a afterschool special talk. Her statistics say that EVERYONE WHO'S HAD PREMARITAL SEX EVER TOTALLY REGRETTED IT. Oh, Smallville. Also, she reveals that her own personal premarital sex experience was not of the good, but I dunno. Being deflowered by Jensen Ackles vs. being deflowered by Jimmy Olsen? I like Jimmy, but...I mean...come on, the statistics may not help you win this argument.
Then Lana is all hysterical. Because, y'all, she's going to have to give it up to Jensen Ackles to prove that she's OMG READY to be in THAT KIND of a relationship. My heart bleeds for her. Nobody suffers like Lana has suffered.
Back to the Red-K-Date-Rape in progress. Remember that the whole moral of the story is that PREMARITAL SEX IS BAD YO? Maybe they should not have done this storyline with Clark and Alicia, because...even when they're wrong together, they're still so very right.
"Can we slow down? I want this to last forever."
"I'm not sure if that's one of my abilities, but I'll try my best." HEE. I swear, we need Kal on this show more often. He was desperately needed at this point in S4, as I recall.
So anyway. Alicia gets all flustered and is like, "Um, this is my first time!" and Kal hilariously laughs in her face in a way that would be horrifically cruel if he didn't follow it up with, "AWESOME! Mine too!" And then Alicia...who, let's remind you, is the one who is doing the date-raping here...wails that she wants them to be COMMITTED to each other first.
"Baby, nobody is more committed to this happening than I am." Bwahahahaha.
It's already hilariously bad. Then it gets moreso, because Kal...who is supposed to be the alter-ego of Clark with zero inhibitions, remember? Who somehow still KEPT HIMSELF PURE FOR LANA while remaining dosed on the Red K for three whole months? ...insists on getting married before they sex each other. In Vegas.
SO THEY DO.
Alicia's hair looks ridiculously pretty during the ceremony.
Clark looks ridiculously pretty in general. What do they do with his hair when he's Kal?! It always looks incredible? Or is it just getting out of the flannel that gives him a different aura?
Aaaand, the HONEYMOON SUITE OF DATE-RAPE. I'm also a huge fan of Alicia's wedding dress with the laced back. Seriously hot.
Speaking of serious hotness...OH DEAR GOD MY EYES. Yes. This is Lana. Offering up her virginity like a sacrificial lamb to Jensen Ackles, looking the entire time like she's going to break down into tears. Because she's about to be abandoned again...by her virginity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure that there's one way for this scene to become bearable.
Drinking game. Play with one sip for every lighted candle you see in the apartment.
Yes. All of them.
Oh, and Jason explains that he TOTALLY doesn't want to have sex with Lana! What the ALLCAPS version of "THAT KIND" of relationship meant? Was that his mom is probably trying to kill Lana. "And then everything started happening. The tattoo, Isobel's tomb, the spellbook. None of it made any sense." AND NONE OF IT EVER DID. EVER.
I swear this is possibly the most creepy, unsexy scene EVER (what's horrific is that Jensen is in it, how wrong is that?). And I had to fast-forward through Lana attempting to unbutton her top from the bottom button up, because I just CAN'T SIT THROUGH THAT TWICE IN ONE LIFETIME. I CAN'T, OKAY. Anyway, this is probably the only part of this episode that actually seemed to sell the whole PREMARITAL SEX IS BAD Y'ALL angle, and even then the only thing I can say is, "More like sex with Lana in general just looks really, really bad." (Though I would venture to call the Sexana even "hot," so, um, yay.)
Meanwhile, in the honeymoon suite, Clark's date rape is about to go into full swing.
I know this makes me think that sex is bad. Lesson totally learned, Smallville writers.
I'm not sure if I got it, though. Can we just...rewind the bit where Tom Welling's back looks like THAT some more?
(Kudos to whoever, um...choreographed the foreplay. I salute you.)
Though, honestly?
I'm not sure if I'm more attracted to Tom Welling in this shot, or...the person who lit this scene. The rest of this episode is really crappy and dark with no contrast, but this? This looks like S1 Veronica Mars flashback territory, eee!
...don't look at me like this, this scene went on like forever.
They have so much chemistry that the screen practically explodes, I swear. But yeah. After this, I got discouraged in terms of the capping overall. Because the part of this scene that I thought was the most...something about the entire episode was the superpowers being, um, implemented in the foreplay. But it's hard to cap that. Sob. But anyway, right when they're about to finally get it on, Alicia has a change of heart and removes the Red K necklace, declaring that she wants ALL of Clark, in all his emo glory.
Since Clark's reaction is along the lines of, "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD RED K AND DATE RAPE AND PUT THE BOOBIES AWAY OR I WILL CRY YOU NUTCASE I NEED TO GO HOME AND LISTEN TO MY EVANESCENCE NOW!" I would venture to say this may not have been the best move on Alicia's part. But, um, the whole date rape angle was not so smart either so I really don't know what to say about that aside from, "The lighting was very, very pretty so I have no issues." I'm shallow like that.
And, because I think the whole, "SEX IS BAD!" angle being sold with lots and lots of shirtless Tom Welling was sliiiiightly ambiguous at best...Martha flounces in to remind us that BLAH BLAH SANCTITY OF MARRIAGECAKES.
Then Tom Welling emotes. I remember watching this and being floored.
Because, honestly. He decides to break out the TEARS for the, "But moooom, I was roofied with Red K! And I totally think the sanctity of marriage is awesome!" scene? Still, um, good job, TW.
And then Alicia takes a bullet for him, proving that her heart is in the right place, and she swears to keep Clark's secret forever. Clark is totally moved, and forgives her for her date-raping ways. They hug in the barn, and Clark looks sort of, almost, dare I say it? Content.
Everyone is totally floored that Alicia survived the episode instead of getting brutally murdered as a way to make Clark even more emo. Plus, she actually provided for some decent character development. But don't worry: all of those surpassed expectations will totally come crashing down with the following episode!
...that was ridiculously amusing. I'm tempted to do it again.
And what am I doing with said access? ...oh, like anyone would be surprised. And I'm more confused than anyone as to why I'm choosing to download S4 episodes. You know I still haven't seen about half of S2, ever?
However, that is not what this post is about. This post is about...picspam. But not just picspam. It's much, much deeper than that. Oh yessss.
It's about what is possibly the most...no, I still don't have an adjective for this episode. But I can promise that it's very something. Undeniably, it's the most something episode of Smallville ever produced. An epic tale condensed into forty-three minutes. A dramatic romp about navigating the choppy waters of teenage sexuality, titled, oh-so-appropriately..."Unsafe."
Like other brilliant endeavors from Smallville to revolutionize education (re: "every triangle has three sides"), this masterpiece of network television works tirelessly to teach us, complete with a PSA, that premarital sex is bad, kthx...by way of flaunting Tom Welling shirtless throughout the episode. I know their methods may seem controversial now (or, to the unconverted masses, maybe just deeply stupid) but they're ahead of their time.
No, really. I'll prove it.
Or...maybe this is just about making picspam with Clark/Alicia hotness. I got confused somewhere along the way. This show does that to me sometimes.
This is Clark Kent, the most emo alien to ever emo. This is proved by the way these two slutty chicks (one of whom is doing an even more admirable job of "wearing her breasts outside her clothing while still managing to remain technically decent for primetime broadcast" than Lois in her everyday wear) inviting him to come party with them. In their hot tub. And what is Clark Kent, Superemoboy's response?
He turns them down flat (in favor of his trig homework. like Clark can even do long division), and runs to his mom to cry about how the secreths and the lieths keep him away from ever having a real relationship. Woeeee! And then, he adds, a girl would have to be....CRAYZEEEEE to get into a relationship with him!
Alicia is like, "Hello, anvil. You called?" (I have a
Oh, and then Alicia went crazy and got locked away in the loony bin. Not before trying to kill Lana with the bluntest knife ever made, though; it looked like it was made of cardboard. Good times.
So, Alicia gets released from Belle Reve, and immediately trots over to Clark's place to stand in the shadows of that damn barn, and remark on how it's Saturday night and yet Clark is sitting around, being mopey and emo, and not getting any. In case you have not been paying attention before or since this episode...that theme might show up in Smallville again. Like once. Or twice. Or in every episode.
Clark responds that he likes being alone. Because only his Dashboard CDs understand him. Such is his emo woe. The slutty chicks offering hot tub action and implicit blowjobs just couldn't understand.
Then Alicia is like, but hey, I'm totally not crazy anymore. Really. And if you can get over that minor, "I tried to kill you and your ex!" point, we could begin a beautiful relationship! WITHOUT SECRETHS AND LIETHS!!!
Then Clark gets Chloe to hack Alicia's medical records, and finds out that she is, indeed, no longer crazy. This isn't that important, I just thought the lighting was pretty with this shot of Chloe. It's weird; in S4 I thought this hair was really pretty when it was new and mature, but now I'm sorta meh on it. The bangs in S5 really helped, and her mascara looks so dark. Also, I have no idea what is going on with her in this scene; why did AM choose to play this like Chloe was downright amused by Clark wanting to go out with Alicia?
Meanwhile, in one of the Worst B-Plots Ever, Lana is tracking down her boytoy. Because he totally rejected her, and we all know that guys aren't allowed to pull that shit with Lana, y'all.
And Jason is all, "Lana, you aren't ready for THAT KIND of relationship!" Note the ALLCAPS OF DOOM.
And Lana just stares cluelessly, all, what kind of relationship? What's THAT KIND?
Keep in mind that all season Lana's wardrobe really never left the realm of All Black All The Time. GEE I WONDER IF THEY ARE GOING FOR SOMETHING SYMBOLIC HERE BY PUTTING HER IN WHITE FOR THIS EPISODE. *buries head in hands*
Meanwhile, Clark and Alicia are being insanely cute while ice skating.
And Alicia's hair was really really really pretty and I want to marry whoever lit this episode because the sweeping spotlight is just pure genius.
But really "iceskating" is just another word for "foreplay."
Clark is confused by these feelings. Could it be that he's being...OMG NOT EMO?!!
YES! IT REALLY IS! (It won't last. It never does.)
I totally enjoy these precious moments while they last, though. They only come about once a season, and generally Clark has to be possessed for them to happen.
There's a scene in between here, with Alicia and her creepy!doctor, which isn't particularly noteworthy...except for the fact that he alludes to her previous (all together, now!) PSYCHOTIC BREAK. God, I love my show an impossible amount sometimes. Never more than when someone utters those two words.
Alicia's hot chocolate is cold!
So Clark warms it up via heat vision.
...ALICIA + CUP = OTP.
Also I want Clark and Alicia to get married and then have kids because not only would said kids be gorgeous, but OMG CAN YOU IMAGINE THEIR TEETH?! I'm...totally being serious here, Clark and Alicia both have the best teeth EVER.
More Alicia/Cup action. Oh right. That "plot" thing. Anyway. Alicia is like, "I am now feeling like the emo is catching. So let's run away to California!" And then Clark laughs at her and Alicia's like, "I do not laugh at you and your stupid emo issues, kthx!" and flounces off.
Leaving Clark...alone. And...emo.
Since Clark is not taking Alicia seriously, and both of them seem prone to drowning in their respective oceans of emotude, Alicia decides to take matters into her own hands.
She'll date rape Clark with red kryptonite! That way he'll stop whining, she'll get laid, and everyone wins! This reasoning is pure genius!!
We now interrupt your regularly-scheduled hormone-fueled program with crazy Luthor antics. As if we could get through an SV picspam without a pause for inappropriate John Glover crushing. The short hair still looked damn fine at this point. In slightly less pressing news, Lionel is in the middle of his, "No! I have a souuuuuul now!" storyline, which never did make the tiniest bit of sense. But I still love this family. Why? Because he tells Lex the corporate life no longer interests him.
Lex's response: "So, trying to kill me is going to be a full-time job now?" Hee!
Lionel's reply? "Lex, I know where you're coming from..." A promising start, given that he totally poisoned Lex last year, and warned him in 4x02 that he should basically sleep with one eye open FOREVAR. But then he continues on, in the, "BUT I HAVE A SOUUUUUUUL NOW," vein.
I think my favorite thing is how Lex is generally making the exact same reactionary faces to this ludicrous storyline that I am.
Then Lionel goes on to talk about how he's going to create a charity foundation and hug puppies and totally not ever have conversations with inappropriate sexual overtones with Chloe ever, ever again.
And again, Lex keeps hilariously looking at him throughout the scene in this, "Wait, am I on Candid Camera?" way.
It kills me.
So very, very dead.
Poor Lionel. What's worse, poor John Glover. I know that man just glances at the script and goes, "What the hell, I'll just have fun with it," but this storyline never made the slightest bit of sense. Like so many things in S4, it still doesn't. Sniff.
Meanwhile, back at that damn barn, Alicia again implores Clark to run away with her. In a really nicely-written line, Clark tells her he knows from experience that running away is not the answer. She gets all wibbly and says she wishes she were strong, like Clark is, but she isn't.
And since she isn't, she's forced to fall back on the old date rape standby.
Meanwhile, in Bad B-Plot-Land, Lana, still sporting her Symbolic Virginity Coat, goes to ask Chloe what THAT KIND of relationship means when ALLCAPS are involved.
Chloe looks at Lana in that awed, "You have been dating a college-aged guy for eight months, got him to chase you from Paris to fricking Nowheresville, Kansas, and he's Jensen Fucking Ackles. Yet, you have not jumped him yet?" way. Oh, and she also delivers a afterschool special talk. Her statistics say that EVERYONE WHO'S HAD PREMARITAL SEX EVER TOTALLY REGRETTED IT. Oh, Smallville. Also, she reveals that her own personal premarital sex experience was not of the good, but I dunno. Being deflowered by Jensen Ackles vs. being deflowered by Jimmy Olsen? I like Jimmy, but...I mean...come on, the statistics may not help you win this argument.
Then Lana is all hysterical. Because, y'all, she's going to have to give it up to Jensen Ackles to prove that she's OMG READY to be in THAT KIND of a relationship. My heart bleeds for her. Nobody suffers like Lana has suffered.
Back to the Red-K-Date-Rape in progress. Remember that the whole moral of the story is that PREMARITAL SEX IS BAD YO? Maybe they should not have done this storyline with Clark and Alicia, because...even when they're wrong together, they're still so very right.
"Can we slow down? I want this to last forever."
"I'm not sure if that's one of my abilities, but I'll try my best." HEE. I swear, we need Kal on this show more often. He was desperately needed at this point in S4, as I recall.
So anyway. Alicia gets all flustered and is like, "Um, this is my first time!" and Kal hilariously laughs in her face in a way that would be horrifically cruel if he didn't follow it up with, "AWESOME! Mine too!" And then Alicia...who, let's remind you, is the one who is doing the date-raping here...wails that she wants them to be COMMITTED to each other first.
"Baby, nobody is more committed to this happening than I am." Bwahahahaha.
It's already hilariously bad. Then it gets moreso, because Kal...who is supposed to be the alter-ego of Clark with zero inhibitions, remember? Who somehow still KEPT HIMSELF PURE FOR LANA while remaining dosed on the Red K for three whole months? ...insists on getting married before they sex each other. In Vegas.
SO THEY DO.
Alicia's hair looks ridiculously pretty during the ceremony.
Clark looks ridiculously pretty in general. What do they do with his hair when he's Kal?! It always looks incredible? Or is it just getting out of the flannel that gives him a different aura?
Aaaand, the HONEYMOON SUITE OF DATE-RAPE. I'm also a huge fan of Alicia's wedding dress with the laced back. Seriously hot.
Speaking of serious hotness...OH DEAR GOD MY EYES. Yes. This is Lana. Offering up her virginity like a sacrificial lamb to Jensen Ackles, looking the entire time like she's going to break down into tears. Because she's about to be abandoned again...by her virginity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure that there's one way for this scene to become bearable.
Drinking game. Play with one sip for every lighted candle you see in the apartment.
Yes. All of them.
Oh, and Jason explains that he TOTALLY doesn't want to have sex with Lana! What the ALLCAPS version of "THAT KIND" of relationship meant? Was that his mom is probably trying to kill Lana. "And then everything started happening. The tattoo, Isobel's tomb, the spellbook. None of it made any sense." AND NONE OF IT EVER DID. EVER.
I swear this is possibly the most creepy, unsexy scene EVER (what's horrific is that Jensen is in it, how wrong is that?). And I had to fast-forward through Lana attempting to unbutton her top from the bottom button up, because I just CAN'T SIT THROUGH THAT TWICE IN ONE LIFETIME. I CAN'T, OKAY. Anyway, this is probably the only part of this episode that actually seemed to sell the whole PREMARITAL SEX IS BAD Y'ALL angle, and even then the only thing I can say is, "More like sex with Lana in general just looks really, really bad." (Though I would venture to call the Sexana even "hot," so, um, yay.)
Meanwhile, in the honeymoon suite, Clark's date rape is about to go into full swing.
I know this makes me think that sex is bad. Lesson totally learned, Smallville writers.
I'm not sure if I got it, though. Can we just...rewind the bit where Tom Welling's back looks like THAT some more?
(Kudos to whoever, um...choreographed the foreplay. I salute you.)
Though, honestly?
I'm not sure if I'm more attracted to Tom Welling in this shot, or...the person who lit this scene. The rest of this episode is really crappy and dark with no contrast, but this? This looks like S1 Veronica Mars flashback territory, eee!
...don't look at me like this, this scene went on like forever.
They have so much chemistry that the screen practically explodes, I swear. But yeah. After this, I got discouraged in terms of the capping overall. Because the part of this scene that I thought was the most...something about the entire episode was the superpowers being, um, implemented in the foreplay. But it's hard to cap that. Sob. But anyway, right when they're about to finally get it on, Alicia has a change of heart and removes the Red K necklace, declaring that she wants ALL of Clark, in all his emo glory.
Since Clark's reaction is along the lines of, "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD RED K AND DATE RAPE AND PUT THE BOOBIES AWAY OR I WILL CRY YOU NUTCASE I NEED TO GO HOME AND LISTEN TO MY EVANESCENCE NOW!" I would venture to say this may not have been the best move on Alicia's part. But, um, the whole date rape angle was not so smart either so I really don't know what to say about that aside from, "The lighting was very, very pretty so I have no issues." I'm shallow like that.
And, because I think the whole, "SEX IS BAD!" angle being sold with lots and lots of shirtless Tom Welling was sliiiiightly ambiguous at best...Martha flounces in to remind us that BLAH BLAH SANCTITY OF MARRIAGECAKES.
Then Tom Welling emotes. I remember watching this and being floored.
Because, honestly. He decides to break out the TEARS for the, "But moooom, I was roofied with Red K! And I totally think the sanctity of marriage is awesome!" scene? Still, um, good job, TW.
And then Alicia takes a bullet for him, proving that her heart is in the right place, and she swears to keep Clark's secret forever. Clark is totally moved, and forgives her for her date-raping ways. They hug in the barn, and Clark looks sort of, almost, dare I say it? Content.
Everyone is totally floored that Alicia survived the episode instead of getting brutally murdered as a way to make Clark even more emo. Plus, she actually provided for some decent character development. But don't worry: all of those surpassed expectations will totally come crashing down with the following episode!
...that was ridiculously amusing. I'm tempted to do it again.
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 01:51 pm (UTC)so freaking true. PLEASE do it again!! i loved this, you had me larfing for ages!! :D and with my sore throat, i was trying not to laugh but man, you are freaking HI-LAR-I-OUS! see, you even split up the syllibles..
*sigh*
yes, i am slightly crazy, but blame it on all the painkillers i took this morning. mleh.
*love&hugs*
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Date: 2006-10-17 01:52 pm (UTC)btw, that was me.. the damn thing didn't log in. i apologise...
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Date: 2006-10-17 05:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 05:29 pm (UTC)I've actually never even seen the fabled exploding baby episode. But now I finally have a reason to!
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Date: 2006-10-17 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 07:34 pm (UTC)*reads*
THEY FUCKING GOT MARRIED?
Because she's about to be abandoned again...by her virginity.
OH MEIMI. ♥
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Date: 2006-10-17 08:23 pm (UTC)Apparently it wasn't legal; I don't think either of them were old enough? But Clark just says, "Oh, but it wasn't legal!" in a throwaway line during the Martha scene, so I imagine the part that elaborated on the illegality of the marriage was cut out in favor of the extended superpowered foreplay sequence.
OMG LANA BEING ABANDONED BY HER VIRGINITY IS ULTRA-TRAGIC DO NOT MOCK!!!!
You know I'm an advocate of the SV educational method! :D
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Date: 2006-10-17 08:36 pm (UTC)OMG LANA BEING ABANDONED BY HER VIRGINITY IS ULTRA-TRAGIC DO NOT MOCK!!!!
NO, I MOCK NOT. THESE TRAILS ON MY CHEEKS, THEY ARE TEARS OF TRAGEDY. NOT MIRTH. NEVER MIRTH, NEVER WITH LANA.
Did you see my question yesterday about you having chinese Tori covers or not?
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Date: 2006-10-17 09:21 pm (UTC)Yeah, I have the Faye Wong cover of Silent All These Years. Sorry, I started uploading it last night but then my web browser abruptly died on me! Here it is.
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Date: 2006-10-17 09:33 pm (UTC)(PS, random aside: today I was talking about Luxemburg, but for the life of me I couldn't remember its name. Instead I called it "Luthorland." Fortunately the person I said it to doesn't know SV but-- damn-- FUCK. XD;;;)
Yayayay! Thank you. ♥
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Date: 2006-10-18 01:49 am (UTC)I'm impressed that you've been corrupted to that level when you don't even watch the show. ♥
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Date: 2006-10-18 02:03 pm (UTC)I think the Malibu Stacy Doll (from The Simpsons) said it best: "Thinking gives you wrinkles!"
School for Kids Who Don't Read Good
Y, you've watched Zoolander? *_*
I'm impressed that you've been corrupted to that level when you don't even watch the show.
You'd be amazed at the stupid crap my brain retains. (I've had at least one dream with cameos from the characters of Jack & Bobby-- AND I'VE NEVER WATCHED THE SHOW. LITERALLY. The most I ever saw were from the commercials...!) Combine that with my linguistic prowess and, well. XD
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Date: 2006-10-18 05:59 pm (UTC)Oooh, yes, that one's best, isn't it? Especially since in Smallville, there's little else to life besides being really really ridiculously good-looking!
...I think I may have to do an SV icon set with Zoolander quotes now oh godBut, um, yes. I think I've actually seen it twice, for which there is absolutely no excuse. Hours of my life I will never get back and all that.
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Date: 2006-10-17 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-17 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 01:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 12:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 01:56 am (UTC)Really? I remember the week this aired, it seemed like the date rape debate was all people could think about. But she wasn't technically using it to sleep with him, she just wanted to use it to get him to run away with her, and then things got out of hand. But generally my appreciation for this episode stops at the, "Alicia's hair was shiny and the lighting was pretty," so. XD
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Date: 2006-10-18 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-18 01:15 pm (UTC)Yeah, I talked about it, mostly I hear how people hated how focused on teen sex it was. And you're right, it did just get out of hand. I actually like this episode alot more than I should. Lol. Alicia is a plus, Kal is a plus, and I'm sorry but the whole honeymoon scene with the "funny little feeling" song is fantastic. I really liked the sweet ending too.